


Sleep has been a struggle lately

by choppyVy



Series: The Final Hunt - 3B Episode Fillers [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Parabatai Bond, Parabatai Feels, between 3x11 and 3x12 Filler, opening up to each other, soft boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-10
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-11-14 19:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18058268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/choppyVy/pseuds/choppyVy
Summary: Magnus is already lying awake in the middle of the night when Alec stirs next to him. Magnus tries to help Alec calm a clearly restless mind. Turns out some wounds are still impossibly raw, will only ever fade into scars.Takes place in the night before that 3x12 early morning scene.Alec had a rough night, all the more reason for him to be grumpy that morning. He needs his nightly cuddles to continue well into the day. (But that will be part of my next one shots for this series, two more 3x12 fillers to come.)





	Sleep has been a struggle lately

An unhappy grunt breaks the quiet to pieces.

  
Magnus’s eyes flicker over to Alec, lying beside him on golden sheets, who has just emitted said sound.

Magnus has been lying awake for over an hour already, has been on his phone for the last ten minutes, mostly going through hashtags: #Insomnia, #FoodTrucks, #FightSkills, #Lifehacks, and because he seems to really hate himself tonight #Magic. It is a superficial distraction however, not a focus, so he is right back in the room with that simple a sound from Alec.

It is only the beginning. Magnus notices alarmed as Alec’s limbs stiffen and his breathing takes on a weird hitching.

Phone long put aside, he scoots closer to his boyfriend, coaxes him onto his side and holds Alec close, knowing how much comfort it usually brings Alec to be allowed to be the little spoon. Whenever something has shaken him to the core Alec needs to be held, be allowed to let go, thankfully Magnus knows this much now. In the beginning it had been a real struggle, comforting a man, trying to comfort a man who has been trained all his life to not show how he is feeling.

These days Alec does come to him for the most part, talks to him. Sometimes Alec still does not. ‘Clearly something has happened,’ Magnus thinks. Something that Alec has not told him about, not yet at least. And maybe Alec himself is not even consciously aware yet of what is going on underneath the strong surface he has to project at work, is too used to projecting.

Magnus knows enough to know too that emotions are not that black and white, that you yourself do not always know where you stand, until _it_ hits you, whatever it happens to be.

So Magnus cuddles Alec. Pure and simple.

He cuddles him until Alec wakes up from feeling too hot under the covers, Magnus pressed tightly against him.

“Good morning?” Alec asks.

Magnus chuckles, “Not even close, darling. But nice try.”

Alec pushes backwards onto his back, Magnus moving to the side before pushing closer again to hover beside, above Alec. He watches Alec rub his eyes for a while before slowly blinking them open.

“What time is it?”

“Around 4ish.”

“Hmh.”

Alec’s eyes, open fuller then, meet his, neck straining some and Magnus uses the opportunity to lean in, press a kiss to Alec’s neck, hearing an appreciative moan. He slowly moves up Alec’s neck mouthing at his rune, before his lips reach behind Alec’s ear. One wet lick and Alec is dissolving into laughter below him.

“Ticklish, and you know it!” Alec half-accuses still laughing, smiling.

“Oh I know,” Magnus smiles at Alec’s scrunched up face.

Alec happily opens up his mouth as Magnus’s lips find his and they sink into a heavy bone-deep relaxing kiss that lasts and lasts until Alec turns his head to the side, Magnus’s lips instantly back to working on his neck, as Alec sucks in a deep breath, leaving his throat again as a moan. It is followed by a happy sigh as Alec’s breathing calms.

Magnus keeps kissing all the skin he can effortlessly reach while intertwining their fingers and pressing their joined hands beside Alec’s head into the sheets, his body fully resting on top of Alec’s, a welcomed grounding presence.

No sooner than Alec is completely pliant under him, muscles loose, eyes having fluttered shut, moans turned into a deep relaxed breathing, Magnus holding hands no longer clinging on desperately to his, Magnus asks “What is it? What is keeping your mind racing at this hour?” Magnus feels somewhat guilty at the same time for neglecting to mention the fact that his own mind is keeping up with Alec’s just fine these days in that department. Maybe once he has found out what is going on with his boyfriend he will.

Alec sighs heavily, Magnus feeling some of the tension return to the body under him, Alec's legs pull up and tense against Magnus's sides.

“I had that talk with Jace.”

“Okay? I know you’re not talking about you giving Jace a sex talk, so …?” Alec is smiling instantly, eyes opening to find Magnus’s and shakes his head at Magnus. ‘This view alone is worth just having made such a dumb remark,’ Magnus thinks somewhat triumphantly.

“No! I did not lecture my straight way more experienced brother on sex.”

“I’d argue about the experienced at this stage, certainly when we are talking adventurous, … but okay, go on, darlin’.”

Alec pulls himself from under Magnus lies down on his side, scootes back in closer, as Magnus already mirrors him, eyes holding each other.

Magnus cannot miss the sadness and concern entering Alec’s gaze when he brings out what he needs to say, clearly.

“I gave him the talk, the one you once gave me … after Max’s rune ceremony party. After I had tried …. You know.”

Magnus lets out a saddened breath, moves a hand to caress Alec’s cheek.

Moisture gathering in Alec’s eyes, he is clearly trying to hold tears at bay. Tears Magnus is sure Alec could not allow himself to even form back at the institute with Jace. Even with Magnus alone in Alec’s room at the institute or in his office, Alec is still far too often so much more reserved in his emotions, on instinct Magnus is sure, not on purpose.

‘I really need to change that,’ Magnus promises himself.

Magnus just listens as Alec recalls Jace’s initial stubborn response, “… to be expected …,” as Alec puts it, before letting his parabatai somewhat in.

“I feel selfish.”

“For caring about him, darling?”

“For asking him to think about me too, with all that pain he is dealing with or _not_ dealing with already.”

“I’m sure even Jace could hear that you are not trying to make it about yourself. That all you want is for him to acknowledge that he can come to you, and find understanding. To remind him of that. He is not thinking rationally at the moment, that much is certain. Now I feel selfish for not asking you about how your bond is affected by … him losing her.”

“It hurts. Sometimes these sharp pangs burst through. But it is more a restlessness that I sense from him constantly. Trying to get somewhere with it … when there is nowhere to go, and nothing to do. That’s why I needed to let him know, he can always ALWAYS come to me and I will try all I can to be here for him, to make it hurt a fraction less for a second. Help him go on,” Alec chokes on the last words.

“This is bringing back a lot for you too, isn’t it?”

Alec just nods, it does not need to be said, Alec will forever feel pain and guilt over what happened to Clary’s mother. One of the scars to carry around for the rest of his life.

Alec’s breaths grow shallow and Magnus leans in and peppers his face with kisses until Alec relaxes somewhat.

Alec moves closer, intertwines their limbs, and falls asleep tightly wrapped up in Magnus’s arms again, shortly after.

Magnus finds himself only drifting in and out of sleep. Making sure Alec is still fast asleep he gets up and makes his way to the farmers’ market.

There won’t be any more sleep for him tonight. Another night, surely.


End file.
